Humping*
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lmao.
more meatcove bedtime fft stories please!
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Its late now and i’ve been celebrating christmas a bit much (4th pint of wine) but will get back to the others sometime soonish
Just after i anounced that im too pissed to write one i felt the pissedness take effect (yeah i made up a word what of it?) and decided i should. It took about 2 minutes to realise that i was right the first time and i should probably just stfu. He says not shutting tfu
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Drunkenness never prevented Hemingway from writing 
Charles Bukowski is more like meatcove 
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It didn’t prevent him from hunting people either.
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This is actually true, all the stories are based on my own life.
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I didn’t read all :< Should I be worried? x’D
Cowboy Commando? you mean this guy?
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Pistol for commando … hmmm … please don’t push where it hurts :x
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Gunner used to have a pistol actually.
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Scout
The result of a military experiment in robotics to create the ultimate close combat warrior.
After spending billions of dollars and countless man hours building the robotic chassis the chief scientists were finally ready to upload the compiled memories from all the greatest warriors in the world starting with the samurai. But while the technician was distracted by his pokemon go, the memory files from a pediatricians office they had been doing some testing with got mixed in and he was accidentally imbued with the personality of a hyperactive 10 year old with ADHD.
Whatever the scientists tried they could never contain the scouts exuberance and love of throwing sparkly glitter balls while running round the room at top speed firing spit balls through a straw.
After millions more dollars and many more years of work trying in vane to find a way to administer ritalin to a robot they had to call the project a failure and put the little tike up for adoption to FFT so they could get some peace.
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Commando
As head of the John Wayne fan club for many years, he loved to shoot but quickly found that his aim was terrible.
He sat on his porch for weeks at a time shooting at everything that moved. He managed to destroy his mailbox 3 times and make a small hole in a tree. 1 time he got excited when he saw the bird he was shooting at drop from the sky, this was it, the moment he had been waiting for (no way was chuck heston gonna be able to make fun of him again at the next NRA meeting) but upon investigating the body he found it had keeled over from a heart attack at the sight of a hawk above them.
Realising his short comings as a marksman he decided to try out a shotgun. Right from the very first time he picked it up and felt its weight he fell in love, his drool raining down onto the barrel while he stared in awe.
He went out hunting again and this time hit anything and everything wherever they were. Before he knew it he was posing on the cover of guns and ammo with cecil the lion draped over his shoulders.
He got such a warm glow from killing something that could barely fight back that he had to chase it and entered FFT safe in the knowledge that if ever he was in trouble he could just get in the mindset of his ultimate hero and think like John Wayne then he too would be almost invincible for a time. If only he could win FFT, become champion and get the recognition he desired then he could finally use his fame to bring stetsons and jangling spurs to the world.
credit to toad for the cowboy-geek idea.
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11 edits x’D Damn meatcove haha
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Its surprisingly tricky trying to get my alcohol fuelled stream of consciousness down in a readable form
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Tech
After 5 years of medical training Harold Shipman took the hypocratic oath and immediately started work on his gun turrets and mines.
Throughout college he was obsessed with a girl who didn’t seem to even know of his existence and continually broke his heart by going home with the sports guy with no brain and perfect teeth.
Over the years his unrequited love drove him to desperation and he dedicated himself to finding a way to attach himself to anyone whom he desired whether they liked it or not.
Through a mixture of longing, determination and a willful disregard for restraining orders he finally realised his dream and could suck onto anyone that passed by while whipping them into a frenzy with his persuasive and pervasive confidence boosting rhetoric.and hypnosis, gradually convincing them that they were in fact invincible as long he was by their side.
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A parasite draining life of its host
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I’ve been called worse
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